July 23, 2019
(Camera turns on. A cheery orange alien with a big mouth pops into view. He's wearing a bright yellow suit and holds a cordless microphone in one hand. He's grinning and talking to someone off screen. There is an incomprehensible mumble behind the camera, and the alien snaps to attention, nodding and waving at the camera.)
"People of Azalia! It is I, Timmy T. Jay, and I'm here with your news!"
"Today at 8:00 AM, a new fast-food restaurant opened up right here on Wrinkle Street!"
(Timmy gestures behind him, and the camera sweeps aside to look. A small restaurant with a bright neon sign sits on the street. Some people can be seen through the windows. A child sees the camera crew outside and pulls his shirt up, pressing his stomach on the window. He's drawn something on his skin, but whatever it is cannot be seen from such a distance.
Meanwhile, the camera focuses on Timmy once more.)
"It is called, 'The Great Meaty Slab', and offers everything from blue milk to the immaculate slydoodeedoo! In short, whatever you want, you're gonna get. Oh, and don't be deceived by this restaurant's small size; most of it is underground! Think skyscraper, just sunk 223 stories in the earth! It's also home to the zippiest teleporters of this age; much swifter and more efficient than any elevator to be sure. I've used one myself earlier today in fact! Blink, and you're there with absolutely zero motion-sickness whatsoever! If you ever think that fast food oughta be fast, look no further than The Great Meaty Slab. This is the place for you!"
(Timmy pauses a moment, tapping at his chin with his mic, and then nods to himself. With a huge grin, he continues.)
"And that's all the news for today! If anything else comes up, I'll do my best to bring it to all of you in a timely manner."
(Timmy waves, and then leans in close to the camera lens, putting a hand to the side of his mouth.)
"Oh, and if you ever wanna know just where Wrinkle Street is, here's a map. Don't worry, there's no hurry, as The Great Meaty Slab is open 24/7! I'm Timmy T. Jay, reporting for News Honk. See you when the news cam calls!"
(The feed cuts out, and a detailed map fills the screen. The Great Meaty Slab is highlighted, as well as plenty of other significant location markers. The Slab logo then zooms up to fill the screen, and a catchy jingle and some 'eat our food' ads play.)
[End of transmission.]